I'm an emotional eater. First thing, just putting it out there. Sad? Eat. Frustrated? Eat. Exhausted? Eat. Stressed? Eat, eat, eat. Am I proud of it? What do you think? (Of course not!!!) But I've learned to be real about it so I can stop denying it and making excuses about it, so I can deal with it.
Usually (ok, lately...) when I see super beautiful slender women, I get sad and annoyed about where I am physically and grab a comforting snack. Just being real.
Tonight though, while watching a show (I will NOT say which one...), I gave in to the voice inside. No, not the one that piped up about the goodies in the cupboard, but the one that said "Get your butt up and exercise! Move! Do SOMETHING!" Let's be honest here. I had just been sitting on the couch for at least 1.5 hours (at least I was folding laundry too!!!) and getting up sounded dreadful, so to compromise, I told myself I didn't have to bend over to even put on shoes. Barefoot workout!
I couldn't find the good workout dvd I love, but that didn't stop me. I looked up a Zumba class on YouTube and did my first Zumba workout. Aren't you proud?!?! And, there were 3-4 other gals barefoot and were killing it. That made ne feel a little less wimpy :)
I didn't have time for the whole 50 minute workout, but after 25 minutes of "not-so-pretty-but-hard-earned-moves," I felt so good! I could tell that I woke up that fat jelly in my body. Time to get lost, fattiness!
The thing I know about myself is that I'm a born athlete and everything is linked to me being active. All I have to do is take the first step and then everything else follows. I kid you not: I "Zumba-ed" (is that a word?), and drank some water and IMMEDIATELY wanted a salad and protein. INSTANT.
So here I am, 11:25pm, eating my salad, and wondering why in the world I hadn't taken my first step sooner.
SIGH.
Keep me accountable. This needs to be me again.
Good habits. Good habits again.
Please.
Pray for me.
Saturday, January 24, 2015
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Away in a Manger
It's like clockwork: Christmas comes every year in December, but every year, I swear it has snuck up on me. I promise myself that I'll plan ahead and have tons of crafts and outings to do with my kids for every single wintery day, that my advent calendar will be homemade and crafty and oozing with thoughtfulness, and that my gift shopping will have been done already to avoid lines and stress and chaos. And yet today, I scrambled to 2 stores to find those cheap-o, flimsy, chocolate-filled advent calendars with Santa's rosy face plastered all over it (and if you know me at all, I don't like to have any Christmas decorations with Santa on them...) and realized I have only purchased one gift out of the many I promised I'd be wrapping already. Sadly, I'm off to a not-so-great start.
And then my kids, though moments before had been making my skin crawl and I was counting the seconds to bedtime, brought me back to truth. What is Christmas really about and why are we celebrating it?
I told them about the Advent season, the coming of Jesus, and the hope that He brings us. I think they were more excited about lighting a candle, aka playing with fire, but it promptly convicted and humbled me. Forgive me for spouting an overused phrase: Jesus IS the reason for the season. For every day until Christmas, we will read verses from the bible about Jesus, his coming, his birth, his hope, his light and joy to the world.
My kids usually get to pick a bedtime song but I asked if we could sing a Christmas song together:
Away in a manger,
No crib for a bed.
The little Lord Jesus
Laid down his sweet head.
The stars in the sky
Looked down where he lay.
The little Lord Jesus
Asleep on the hay.
I try to picture in my mind what it would have been like to kneel in the hay before this newborn baby, with the barnyard smell so strong, the sheep bleeting, the other wisemen or shepherds rustling the straw, and knowing that this baby was my King, the Savior for us all. Wow. Even now, it brings me to tears, and I want to go throw those advent calendars out the front door. Wait, let me empty the candies out first. C'mon, I'm no fool!
And then my kids, though moments before had been making my skin crawl and I was counting the seconds to bedtime, brought me back to truth. What is Christmas really about and why are we celebrating it?
I told them about the Advent season, the coming of Jesus, and the hope that He brings us. I think they were more excited about lighting a candle, aka playing with fire, but it promptly convicted and humbled me. Forgive me for spouting an overused phrase: Jesus IS the reason for the season. For every day until Christmas, we will read verses from the bible about Jesus, his coming, his birth, his hope, his light and joy to the world.
My kids usually get to pick a bedtime song but I asked if we could sing a Christmas song together:
Away in a manger,
No crib for a bed.
The little Lord Jesus
Laid down his sweet head.
The stars in the sky
Looked down where he lay.
The little Lord Jesus
Asleep on the hay.
I try to picture in my mind what it would have been like to kneel in the hay before this newborn baby, with the barnyard smell so strong, the sheep bleeting, the other wisemen or shepherds rustling the straw, and knowing that this baby was my King, the Savior for us all. Wow. Even now, it brings me to tears, and I want to go throw those advent calendars out the front door. Wait, let me empty the candies out first. C'mon, I'm no fool!
Friday, August 15, 2014
This just got real.
If you were to ask me if I like myself, if I am happy with myself, right now, my answer would be a resounding, No. I know that we are always our worst critics, and I am DEFINITELY my own, but I can honestly say that I am so dissatisfied with where I am, that I just want to sit down and cry most days. And let's be real, scarf down a big tub of Ben & Jerry's Double Fudge Brownie. Just being real.
When I was growing up, my mom was carrying some extra weight that I know she didn't want. My dad, however, was NOT very good with encouraging words and, I'm sure, made her feel worse about herself at times. There were other contributing factors, but her weight kept creeping higher and higher. The day that my dad made my mom cry because of a hurtful word about her weight, the first that I had heard anyway, was the day I promised myself that I would never let myself get out of shape. I never wanted to experience the unhappiness my mom felt, nor the health complications that came along with years of inactivity and poor eating. She became a diabetic, developed sleep apnea, and was so overweight...
And here I am today, wife and mother to 3 beautiful children, and I find myself so exhausted that even getting the energy to workout is tough. And it NEVER used to be that way. I'm that weirdo who actually liked working out and who wanted to be a personal trainer, etc etc.. Feeding my family nutritious meals and snacks is a priority of mine, but when it comes to me, I tend to push myself to the back burner much of the time, not considering my nutrition very well, taking in left overs, smaller scraps, not enough of what I should be consuming. Have I become so engrossed in helping others be better or taking care of them, that I've lost sight of me and helping myself? One word: YES. I know this to be true.
I am overweight, unflattering, unhappy.
I am thankful for a loving, committed husband who does his best to encourage me and tells me I'm still beautiful... I only sometimes believe him.
I write all this because I know I need change, I NEED to be healthier, especially physically. I want it yes, but i mostly NEED it.
And it became more real this morning.
I woke up to my husband thumping my arm, telling me that I had stopped breathing. Wait.... what? He had a hard time sleeping and was counting a few times where I had stopped breathing in my sleep, a sign of sleep apnea. What's the first sign? CRAZY FATIGUE. Um, hello? Got that covered.
I was literally shaken to my core.
I felt crushed, defeated, disgusted.
There were so many things I didn't want to share from my mother's life, but here was one of them.... Stinkin' sleep apnea. Am I clinically diagnosed? No, but it makes much sense. I'm fairly certain if it's not full-blown, that I'm in early stages of it.
I really feel like that was the last straw, the final kick in the butt I needed to really take my health much MUCH more seriously.
It's on.
By the way, I DID make a green smoothie for myself and the kids today, but did NOT get the walk in.
Thank you for reading yesterday and checking in today.
When I was growing up, my mom was carrying some extra weight that I know she didn't want. My dad, however, was NOT very good with encouraging words and, I'm sure, made her feel worse about herself at times. There were other contributing factors, but her weight kept creeping higher and higher. The day that my dad made my mom cry because of a hurtful word about her weight, the first that I had heard anyway, was the day I promised myself that I would never let myself get out of shape. I never wanted to experience the unhappiness my mom felt, nor the health complications that came along with years of inactivity and poor eating. She became a diabetic, developed sleep apnea, and was so overweight...
And here I am today, wife and mother to 3 beautiful children, and I find myself so exhausted that even getting the energy to workout is tough. And it NEVER used to be that way. I'm that weirdo who actually liked working out and who wanted to be a personal trainer, etc etc.. Feeding my family nutritious meals and snacks is a priority of mine, but when it comes to me, I tend to push myself to the back burner much of the time, not considering my nutrition very well, taking in left overs, smaller scraps, not enough of what I should be consuming. Have I become so engrossed in helping others be better or taking care of them, that I've lost sight of me and helping myself? One word: YES. I know this to be true.
I am overweight, unflattering, unhappy.
I am thankful for a loving, committed husband who does his best to encourage me and tells me I'm still beautiful... I only sometimes believe him.
I write all this because I know I need change, I NEED to be healthier, especially physically. I want it yes, but i mostly NEED it.
And it became more real this morning.
I woke up to my husband thumping my arm, telling me that I had stopped breathing. Wait.... what? He had a hard time sleeping and was counting a few times where I had stopped breathing in my sleep, a sign of sleep apnea. What's the first sign? CRAZY FATIGUE. Um, hello? Got that covered.
I was literally shaken to my core.
I felt crushed, defeated, disgusted.
There were so many things I didn't want to share from my mother's life, but here was one of them.... Stinkin' sleep apnea. Am I clinically diagnosed? No, but it makes much sense. I'm fairly certain if it's not full-blown, that I'm in early stages of it.
I really feel like that was the last straw, the final kick in the butt I needed to really take my health much MUCH more seriously.
It's on.
By the way, I DID make a green smoothie for myself and the kids today, but did NOT get the walk in.
Thank you for reading yesterday and checking in today.
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Behind Already?
I haven't decided.... Have I failed or not?
I wanted to start blogging a little something everyday since August 1st. In case you haven't noticed, it's August 14th. And this is my 2nd post. You do the math.
No, I haven't posted every day, although I definitely was thinking about it. However, seeing as my very first post ever on this blog was in 2009 and nothing followed until 2014, I'd say I was doing pretty well! I guess you can be the judge.
Today was one of those days where I felt like garbage. What's that saying, "Garbage in, garbage out?" I didn't eat well today, barely drank any water, dragged around with hardly any energy... Ick. I felt so gross, but nothing stopped me from ordering an iced venti caramel macchiato WITH blueberry scone in the DRIVE-thru Starbucks. Espresso. Milk. Carbs. No exercise.
Hello?
Yes, I know.
THIS is why I felt gross. This and other bad choices throughout the day. SIGH.
Tomorrow is a new day, right?
I seriously want to do a cleanse... I'm not even sure what that entails. I'm almost afraid to ask. I'll just start the day off with a huge fruit smoothie, packed with spinach, share some with the kids (they love 'em!!!) and take them all on a walk.
Yes.
I will.
Check back in tomorrow.
Please.
Keep me accountable!
I wanted to start blogging a little something everyday since August 1st. In case you haven't noticed, it's August 14th. And this is my 2nd post. You do the math.
No, I haven't posted every day, although I definitely was thinking about it. However, seeing as my very first post ever on this blog was in 2009 and nothing followed until 2014, I'd say I was doing pretty well! I guess you can be the judge.
Today was one of those days where I felt like garbage. What's that saying, "Garbage in, garbage out?" I didn't eat well today, barely drank any water, dragged around with hardly any energy... Ick. I felt so gross, but nothing stopped me from ordering an iced venti caramel macchiato WITH blueberry scone in the DRIVE-thru Starbucks. Espresso. Milk. Carbs. No exercise.
Hello?
Yes, I know.
THIS is why I felt gross. This and other bad choices throughout the day. SIGH.
Tomorrow is a new day, right?
I seriously want to do a cleanse... I'm not even sure what that entails. I'm almost afraid to ask. I'll just start the day off with a huge fruit smoothie, packed with spinach, share some with the kids (they love 'em!!!) and take them all on a walk.
Yes.
I will.
Check back in tomorrow.
Please.
Keep me accountable!
Friday, August 1, 2014
New Every Morning
"Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.""
Lamentations 3:22-24
You know when you're excited and anxious for a new year to begin, and you start making plans to change old habits or make new ones, and you set up expectations for yourself that really aren't very realistic or fair? You promise yourself you'll lose 50 pounds by exercising 3 hours every day and eat every organic, paleo, raw food you can think of. Or you'll give more money to more charities and every single homeless person you come across. Or you'll spend more time with all sorts of people who you know are important in your life and who you need to be investing in. Or you'll finally sit down and work on all the Pinterest projects that you began at some point and never quite got around to finishing. Whatever the New Year's resolution is, we all know the commitment and excitement to the task fades too quickly. In all fairness, there are some who can genuinely stick to whatever they've set out to do, but most of the time, we end up failing ourselves.
Why do I bring all this up? Because, even though it's not the beginning of a new year, I set out to make some changes in my life and have already failed. Not even 3 days in and I've already blown it. Blah. But this time, it's ok. I'm using this blog to help myself. My life needs change and overall health: physical, mental, emotional, relational, spiritual. I need and want to be real, honest, vulnerable, uninhibited. I know that the only way things can really change is with God pulling me through. Only by His strength can change AND healing take place. I know I'm going to mess up again (and again.....), but I also know that God's mercies are new every morning and I have no reason to berate or belittle myself for not following through on something or for not looking a certain way or whatever other unfairness I'm trying to pull over my head.
Change is change, even if it's the smallest thing. I look forward to and embrace the ride. It is time. I am ready.
Lamentations 3:22-24
You know when you're excited and anxious for a new year to begin, and you start making plans to change old habits or make new ones, and you set up expectations for yourself that really aren't very realistic or fair? You promise yourself you'll lose 50 pounds by exercising 3 hours every day and eat every organic, paleo, raw food you can think of. Or you'll give more money to more charities and every single homeless person you come across. Or you'll spend more time with all sorts of people who you know are important in your life and who you need to be investing in. Or you'll finally sit down and work on all the Pinterest projects that you began at some point and never quite got around to finishing. Whatever the New Year's resolution is, we all know the commitment and excitement to the task fades too quickly. In all fairness, there are some who can genuinely stick to whatever they've set out to do, but most of the time, we end up failing ourselves.
Why do I bring all this up? Because, even though it's not the beginning of a new year, I set out to make some changes in my life and have already failed. Not even 3 days in and I've already blown it. Blah. But this time, it's ok. I'm using this blog to help myself. My life needs change and overall health: physical, mental, emotional, relational, spiritual. I need and want to be real, honest, vulnerable, uninhibited. I know that the only way things can really change is with God pulling me through. Only by His strength can change AND healing take place. I know I'm going to mess up again (and again.....), but I also know that God's mercies are new every morning and I have no reason to berate or belittle myself for not following through on something or for not looking a certain way or whatever other unfairness I'm trying to pull over my head.
Change is change, even if it's the smallest thing. I look forward to and embrace the ride. It is time. I am ready.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
It's a new year!
I promised myself that I would start a blog only when I got pregnant, because only then would I really have interesting things to share with others. Not that my life is boring.... I think I was just trying to assure myself some extra time so that I could get at least part of my life in order before starting this big task. Hmmm... not sure if that's happened yet, but either way, I'm pregnant! So that means blogging time is here!
But seeing as I'm pretty sick at the moment, I wanted to at least start my first blog of the new year before going to take a much needed nap. Not being able to medicate during pregnancy is hard when such vicious colds hit, so rest and fluids are NECESSARY. We are excited to start sharing our lives and our walk through our pregnancy. Stay tuned!
But seeing as I'm pretty sick at the moment, I wanted to at least start my first blog of the new year before going to take a much needed nap. Not being able to medicate during pregnancy is hard when such vicious colds hit, so rest and fluids are NECESSARY. We are excited to start sharing our lives and our walk through our pregnancy. Stay tuned!
Friends, Jill and Jenni, at dinner, after telling them I was pregnant!
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